The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
