wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
