I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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