Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
