I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
