In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
