He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
