Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize