I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
