Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
