woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
