did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
