yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
