Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
