I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize