the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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