I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
