hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize