Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
