Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
