and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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