also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
