We're like a lot better than the average bears
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
