Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
