so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize