Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
