Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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