If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
