Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
