i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I need water and some morals
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