my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
