Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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