I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
