College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
