he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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