What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
