He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i have two assholes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
