This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
