I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
