I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
