Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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