Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
