Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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