Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize