Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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