hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
