I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
