dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
