Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
