therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
