um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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