Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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