drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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