You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize