Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
