you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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