..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
