she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
