I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
