okay pat passed out under dana's car
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
