You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
