I just made out with a guy for $7.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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