I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
