Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
