looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
