i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
