I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
