what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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