What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
