Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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