i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
